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February 18, 2013

Give Me Rest



It's me against the world. I'm having a hard  parenting day, or a friend is genuinely busy, and I think I'm being ignored ... or a light, offhand remark becomes an insult that I dwell on for a week. My emotions rise. I'm hurt. And I stuff it all inside.

I've talked to my very wise mother a few times about this. She's labeled me a "stuffer." She's allowed to say so, because she was once a stuffer, too. 

Fun fact: Stuffers are usually self-made martyrs. We stuff all these feelings in our emotional bag, a bag that keeps getting heavier and heavier. But we carry it with only an occasional deep sign, and an, "Oh, that? Don't you worry about that. I've got it. I'll be fine." I've been reflecting on this a lot lately, and God has been showing me in some pretty big ways that actually, I'm not fine. That being a stuffer is a big mistake.

You see, at some point, what happens to a stuffer is that all that stuff starts to push at the seams of our emotional bag. Eventually we have to stop carrying the bag, and have to start dragging it. When that happens, it's only a matter of time before the bag explodes, and those hit hardest by its explosion are those closest to us. 

The questions that God laid on my heart this weekend were, "Are you willing to let me help you? Are you willing to let me relieve you of your burden?"

The interesting thing about both earthly and heavenly help is this: You can only be helped, if you will let yourself be helped. You must communicate with your family and friends, with Christ. Let them hold your hand, instead of insisting on walking the road alone.

Is this not faith, at its core?

Those who know your name trust in you,
for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.
- Psalm 9:10

Psalm 62:8 says, "Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." At all times. I'm embarrassed to admit that I once viewed this as weakness. That's simply not true. The truth is that it takes a soul with the unwavering faith of a child to trust in God at all times. As rational adults, overflowing with sinful pride, can we completely surrender ourselves to anything? Think about that.

Am I light as a feather, without a care in the world? No, I'm not. Nor, as a human, do I imagine that I'll ever be. But I am praying for relief in Jesus. 

I've been rehearsing this simple mantra in my mind: "Let it go. God will provide. He will take care of you." I received a difficult piece of mail last week, and my instinct was to cry, to ask God why he was heaping another worry onto my overflowing plate of worries -- but then I started to repeat "God will provide for us" over and over in my mind. I even said it out loud a few times. 

I won't tell you that I wanted the chance to practice. Really, I didn't, and I don't. Life is beautiful, but it is also full of hardship. Take it from someone who knows, friends ... Don't stuff the hard stuff. God is willing to take it for you. All you need to do is let go. 

26 comments:

  1. what a open and honest post. though i am not a parent right now, i am a nanny so i have a SLIGHT idea of the experience you are going through. Keep remembering that God is in control. Proverbs 13:20

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    1. Thank you, Heather! I think it takes such a special heart to be a nanny. It would be so hard to have children become such a huge part of your life, only to have to someday part with them. I hope your kids' parents appreciate you!

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  2. yes, amen to that! He will and does take care of all of our burdens. Keep your sight on the Lord sister, will be praying alongside you!

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  3. So beautiful friend. It is hard to think like that sometimes for me, it does feel like a weakness still. Posts like this really help me to understand more and force myself to question the way I think and feel. It is difficult to just let things go sometimes, I can definitely relate to this post.
    Virtual hug :)

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    1. Thanks girl. I hope this post helps you in knowing that we all have hard times in our walk of faith, but we must still have faith!

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  4. This is a great, honest, real post my friend...and you know I feel your pain and your suffering through the parenting thing. Let me know if I can help you with anything, even if you just need someone to vent to! :-)
    Love you hon!
    ♥ Kyna

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    1. I absolutely do, and I will! Love you!

      xoxo

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  5. Oh mommma. I think so many of us can relate to this. I know that I HATE to admit I need "help." Even to God. This has reminded me to be HUMBLE... and RECEIVE the good that comes from that. XO

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    1. Ooohhhh, Brittany. You always say something that just "clicks" with me! To look at it in such a way that we are receiving and not giving up -- that works for me. I've never been particularly comfortable with receiving gifts, but I'm even MORE uncomfortable with giving up control! Love that. I'm going to write it on my mirror: "Be HUMBLE. RECEIVE!"

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  6. This is a great post on faith. I hope you can get past your stuffer-ness. God wants to be there for us, but I know it's so hard to give it all to him. I'm working on it daily, too, friend. I totally get it.

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    1. Thank you so much, Meagan. I only hope that it came out semi-coherently. Anytime I write, or talk about faith, I feel like it comes out a jumbled mess!

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  7. Oh, wow. This is good stuff! No pun intended. :)

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    1. Ha! Lyndsay, thank you for lightening the mood. Seriously! Also, I am in love with your blog. Your style, your photos, your heart for Jesus. AMAZING!

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  8. I think I am also a "stuffer"... Lately I have been trying so hard not to because the last time I let it go for far too long, and well... it ended up with me sobbing weeping on the floor. it's so important to communicate and be open. <3 Thanks for sharing. :-)

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    1. ::hugs:: I know just how that feels, Kristen. When Tim was home, I ended up a blubbering mess, in his arms, one night. I got so bad that he couldn't even understand what I was saying, he just had to hold me. Even when we think it might scare people, I think it's so, so important to share what we're feeling!

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  9. Ahhh this is fantastic. Actually, fighting back tears while reading this {at work... professional much!}. I'm pretty sure I'm a stuffer. I never let my friends/family/God help me because I feel like I'm not worth being helped/think I'm too much of a burden to others. Nuts, I know! Anyway, fantastic post. Thanks for sharing! xx

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    1. Oh, sweet Laura! I completely understand how you feel, and I hope this post helped you in some small way. <3

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  10. Ohhh Katie - I know all too well how that feels. And when all things I've been stuffing away comes out, it's not pretty :( I saw something on pinterest today that really spoke to me along these lines - simply 'pray more, worry less'. Thinking of you lovely lady xo

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    1. You girls are ON today with the mantras! Another great one: "Pray more, worry less." Boy, do I need to do that. Thanks for sharing, Luana! <3

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  11. Great post. Hope you're feeling better now. :)

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    1. Thank you, Marie! I'm feeling great this evening. Appreciate your thoughts! :)

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  12. boy oh boy did i need this this morning. thank you for your tender spirit! your words rocked me to my core this morning. i so needed that. thank you! xoxo

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  13. I really appreciate this. I am a total "stuffer"...and then I blow up. Trying really hard to overcome this right now...but I have been pretty stubborn. Sometimes turning to the Lord is harder than it sounds. But at this point, I am willing to take that leap of faith. thanks for sharing!

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  14. I'm a stuffer as well. I hate the feeling of how much of a burden my problems will be on someone if i share it with them. Hang in there. Tomorrow will be better. Life is hard sometimes, but oh so worth it. Something i tell myself daily :)

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